Britney Spears + Kayne West = perfection

This is so funny...
LOL.
http://liquidgeneration.com/poptoons/golddigger.asp

Popularity

It's been quite a while since I've thought about my own poularity. It was something that consumed me throughout high school though. I was never really popular per se, except may be in Elementary School and really who isn't popular when recess snacks and mix tapes determine your social status.
But recently, I've begun thinking about popularity again. What makes someone popular? How do you determine your popularity? I've always thought of myself as cool, and most people will agree, aside from a bevy of neurotic tendencies and a handful of dorky-yet -charming teen obsessions, I am cool.
But a recent off-hand remark by a friend of mine, reminded me that not everyone shares my self image. He was talking about the popular people from a class we had taken, and it just hit me like a tonne of bricks... I wasn't popular? I mean I know I can be shy, a tad snobby at times and definitely self-conscious, but UN-POPULAR?
It felt like a slap in the face. I mean, I don't think I should be wearing the homecoming queen crown but does that mean I am regulated to be one of those bitter ones with a long trench coat hanging out at my locker all day long?
In reality, I guess I am neither of these archetypes. A floater. One of those, "She was cool. Whatever happened to her?" girls. Maybe it all goes back to one of the only two pieces of advice my mother has given my about social interactions, ( the main one is don't go out; just stay home with your family). She always said that you never want o give all your secrets, all your personality, all your inner workings away to just anyone. Leave a little mystery. Always leave them wanting more.

Oh.. To be pretty, rich and popular.... It could all be so easy. Right? RIGHT?


CURRENT MOOD: Misunderstood.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Folklore - Nelly Furtado

Today is the DAY!!!!!!

FINALLY!!!!
Tonight is the night. I am so excited.
Here's hoping Billie Joe breaks out his leopard-print bikini underwear!!


Current Mood: EXCITED
Currently Listening to: American Idiot - Green Day

The Dating Game

Okay. So it has taken be about 26 years and 3-4 life-changing heartbreaks, but I think I might have finally figured out some fundamental strategies to this torturous game of cat-and-mouse known to most as dating. Now it probably sounds cynical and combative to call these points strategies, a little too military-ish, but today's dating/flirting patterns are much closer to combat than a friendly game of backgammon.
The one thing I am starting to appreciate about dating, is the lack of drama. Dating is easy. Dating is laid-back. Dating is not being paranoid when he doesn't phone every night. Not calling him and asking him if he misses you when your out drunk ( I'll admit I am constantly relapsing on this one). Dating is not over-analysing every little thing he says. Dating is drinks and friendly flirtations and romance and laughter.
Compare that to the last three significant relationships I've had which included: grand theft, over-exposure and abandonment and you can see why dating has been looking so good lately.
I don't know if it has to do with being 26, may be being a little more sure of myself and actually liking who I am on most days or what, but boyfriends are looking to be a distant memory that I barely ever want to revisit.
I mean I can barely stay in one apartment for any length of time, let alone a job, a group of close friends, so how can I expect to have anything except these 3-month hot-cold relationships with guys who get fed up and feel like I give them the cold shoulder or whatever mean things they want to say.
So here I raise my glass to the fine art of dating and flirting with wild abandon and getting asked out by strangers. I hope that I will master this art asap.

CURRENT MOOD: Contemplative
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: The Cookbook - Missy Elliot

Sometimes being bored at work is the lesser of two evils....

So yesterday when I was bored at work, me and my 20-year-old co-worker decided to read our palms with the trusting help of the all seeing Internet. God idea in theory. Terrible idea in practise.

MY PALM SUCKS.
My life line is so short i could drop dead any second.
I'm supposed to have two husbands both of whom cheat on me.
I will have 2 bastard babies.
I will have no fame.
no fortune.
But surprisingly a lot of luck.

Whatever.

Here's the link if you want to torture yourself: http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/palm/lines.htm

Families...YESH!

Boy, oh boy. DO I have one helluva headache. What is causing all this personal strife, you ask.... Family... Family drama. Not baby-mama drama, thank God. But sick,getting elderly parents drama, and stupid family politics drama.

I don't know when it happened that whenever it rains really hard, or it's really smoky outside, that I suddenly start woorying about my mom and dad and if they are having respiratory problems or are driving in the rain.. Every saturday I think about my poor dad out at my sister's house mowing her lawn using this ratty old extension cord that is held together with duck tape and spit. I always phone him around 4 pm and he always sounds dog-tired and like he's ready collapse. But he doesn't want to stop. And who am I to tell him what he has to do, really.

I don't know, It's really sad to think about your parents mortality. What parts of your life they'll get to see and experience....

I don't know when I started thinking like this.... I guess probably when my dad broke his hip. I know he has many, many more years ahead of him, but it was the hardest thing to see him there so helpless and worse than that, so resigned to his helplessness.

And I'll never forget when the nurse at the hospital asked me if I was having a good visit with my grandpa ( meaning my dad) and I burst into tears right in front of everyone.

Now my mom is getting sick with some mysterious illness. It's weird to hear her so resigned. She is always, in spite of anything: flu, irritations, arguments, tiredness, TENACIOUS, to say the least. But today when I talked to her she sounded so small and quiet. It was weird. I'm sure it's nothing too serious. She has been taking way too many prescriptions and it's sounds liek some of them are having weird reactions with each other.

But what gets me, is the way both my parents are so lackadaisical when it comes to their own health. "How are you feeling?" "Where does it hurt?" "When did you start feeling like that?" They can't even answer these simple questions. They don't know anything about their own bodies. And the doctors.. don't even get me started. I think their doctor totally plays down to them and doesn't take the time to listen to them and just sends them off with another needless prescription. And they don't complain. They were raised to just go along with whatever. Don't rock the boat...

Sometimes it's like I'm only in vancouver not even 2 hours away, but it is too far to help them sometimes....

The Say Anything report - a study in male sensitivity 10 years in the making.....

There's only so much I can say about how much I love Say Anything. It represents everything that I want in life and the struggle to achieve it. Greatness. Love. The unexpected and the obvious. Friendship. Family. Laughter. Tears. Say Anything is seriously the greatest movie ever made.

And I've come to realize that there are really only two types of men in this world. The men who grind up on you at the club, who cheat on you, steal from your neighbours, turn into unrecognizable drug addicts, whoplay crazy mind games with you and the Lloyd Doblers of the world.

In fact, I recently read a story in Dose magazine about how girls who are into this movie have a hard time keeping a boyfriend because no guy will really measure up to Lloyd Dobler. I don't really believe that, yet. But Lloyd Dobler is the perfect guy. Confident but shy. Macho ( with his kickboxing) but sensitive. Popular but a loner as well. He is a study in contradictions, and that is exactly what makes him so appealing.

So it is unabashedly that I hereby admit that I use this movie. I use this movie as a shield to protect me from recurring heartache and dissappointment, ( God know I've had enough of that). After careful analysis I've realized that guys' reactions to certain scenes in Say Anything reflect on the way they will inevitably end up treating you. I'm not advocating dumping someone becuase they didn't confess their undying love for all things John Cusack. But I will admit, that after watching this movie with some people, I've stopped holding my breathe waiting for the passenger-side car door to magically open for me or for a real conversation about what me is actually thinking about. So here is a partial list that I have found usefull over they years....

SCENE#43251
Lloyd Dobler teaches Diane Court how to drive a stick shift and the gears are grinding badly, causing irreversable damage on her new car.
If the guy you're watching this scene with is wincing/explaining why this is so bad for her car/ saying that he would never let his girlfriend drive his standard car- he probably will not give you a key to his apartment for like 6 months or will get really bent out of shape when you suggest you leave some of your stuff at his place.

SCENE #276542
Lloyd Dobler is driving around in the rain and then calls his sister from a payphone.
If the guy you're watching this scene with starts laughing hysterically at this scene, in the words of Jennifer Aniston "There's a sensitivity chip missing there." Nuff said.

Basically, I think watching Say Anything with anyone, helps gauge their sensitivity. Because beyond a teen movie and a romance story and a funny movie, Say Anything is a hopeful story about making the ordinary extraordinary. And I thin that's somthing everyone wants to achieve.

"What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it. "
-- Lloyd Dobler

i <3 Victoria..... at this moment!!!

I had such a great time in good ole victoria! I totally realized that i could easily move back and fall into my old routines and be almost as happy as I am here in vancity. I would save so much money and if I had a kick-ass government job somewhere, I culd totally save money and end up in London for Glastonbury 2006! That would be so awesome! Now don't get me wrong! I am making no plans to return to teh homestead, but I just realized thsi weekend that Victoria is not as lame as I always thought it was. There are actually some new places and new club nights and new coffe shops that I have yet to explore.
I don't know what made me fall in love with victoria so much thsi time. I guess it's because I haven't been home in so long. Also I had such a great time with everyone I spent time with... I still find myself thinking about that weekend and now it's almost next weekend! I will devulge that it seems like Victoria has all of a sudden gotten a big cash crop of hawt young boys. I rememeber I used to hate coming home because every second person has slept with someone you knew or you went to highschool with them or something, but now (7 years later) those moments are few and far between.
There is this guy there that has phoned me a total of 2 times since Sunday. I think that's pretty good, considering he hates talking on the phone, to most people. I don't really think anything serious will come of it seeing as he is 23, American and lives in Victoria and doesn't like the busyness of Vancouver. But it is pretty fun to just be around someone you like and he likes you and it's so simple and there's no foreboding, or prevailing worrys about "where is this going." It's like sandbox, puppy love or something, you know. Exchanging glances, doing fun stuff, talking about everything and everything.... It could get old fast, but right now it's heaven.....

Fun fotos.......

Here are some photos from raj and jamie's birthday party at david's house like 3 months ago ( raj just got the photos developed). It was a very fun night....

I am going home this weekend and me and my parents are going used car shopping yaha yahayahahaha and then I will go out and celebrate one of the best days, Amaya's Birthday! and then I will go and congradulate my girl sarah loveday M.A. on her brainy feat of successfully defending her thesis. and then I will go and pick richard's brain about what to wear for this forboding wedding that's coming up. In between all that I will be eating lots and lots of my mom's indian food.
I can't wait for the weekend.

Talking on the Phone.....

Somewhere between being a chatty cathy and an insufferable insomniac, I've started neglecting my favorite pasttime. No, not teen soap operas ( i would never neglect those). Talking on the phone. So often now it just easier to send a quick email or call at a time when you know you'll just end up leaving a voicemail, than actually talking to my dear friends and rehashing everything that has happened since X Date. I feel guilty about it. Usually I love to talk on the phone. I still do I think. But finding the time between staring mindlessly at the keyboard for 8 hours, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, going to the gym and attempting to have some sort of a life; there's little time left for idle chatter.
I miss those self-indulgent days, where I would fall asleep talking on the phone and wake up with the pattern of the cordless phone tattooed on the side of my face listening to Don's weird half-snore/half mumbling sleeping noises.
I miss those shrill days of sitting inside the hall closet and laughing so hard I felt like I was going to pee my pants talking to my grade 7 buddy sarah for like 8 hours at a time.
I miss analyzing every moment and every look that any guy gave me and my friends at a party the night before with amaya.
I don't know why I haven't been on the phone much lately. I suppose I could still do all these things if I wanted to. But I guess I feel like if I tryed to talk on the phone for like 8 hours again and it wasn't like it used to be, it would ruin that memory for me.
I guess now I use my blog to overanalyze everything and msn to flirt with boys..... But right, here and now, I make an oath to return to my rightful place on the telephone throne. I hope to speak to you all soon my loyal subjects.

The first of many....

Okay. So it begins today. I've been here at my new job one month now. Today is the first day I'm attempting to write in my blog from work. I'm a little paranoid. The boss is right in the next cubicle. And I was 12 minutes late to work today. But I didn't say anything because he gets here at like 10 am. And I'm not going to stay 12 minutes later.
The honeymoon is over. I'm done with the niceties. Love me or lump me.
But I am a little paranoid. I already heard him on the phone yelling at the cable guy telling him our bill is too high. So I'm trying to type lighty, because in this job you don't type too much. I think I already have a slight strike againist me because I listen to hip hop music at my desk ( I get the feeling he's more a Tragically Hip or Bruice Springsteen type) and then today he saw my desktop icons and he was like "what happened here?" all shocked like a baby had been dumped in a dumpster or I had been running immigrants from Mexico through a tunnel in my office. I was like " I made the icons bigger. I like them bubbly." And he had this weird disgusted look on his face and just kind of walked off without saying anything else.

Where da weekend at, yo?

Oh weekend,
where for art thou weekend? You came and went so fast like the ever-elusive shooting star on a summer's night. We laughed, we cryed, we dryed each others tears and kissed each other's boo-boos away. Now, like the sand through the hour-glass so are these sacred few summer days. Days to run, days to dance, days to kiss, days to love. They are winding down through the turnpike of time into a cyclic abyss never to be enjoyed again. Replaced by the rotting monotomy of the daily grind, the rat race that encompasses all that is evil, greedy and glutinous. Replaced by the fast-paced banter of bored workplace colleagues waiting for the day to end. Waiting for another day to end, another night to fall, another sun to rise, returning us to the beginning to begin the torture once again.

Drunkedy, drunk drunk drunk .................

There's something to be said for getting drunk at 3:30 in the afternoon on a sunny friday afternoon. I reccommend that everyone try this. Of course, then you are left with that inappropriate buzz at like 5 pm and you have to figure out what to do with yourself so you can still have fun but not generate too much attention to yourself. Luckily for me, there was a lot of things going on yesterday and I happened to run into some people I knew who probably think I'm a weird lush that hangs out with random aquaintances I find on the street, but I digress.

The best thing about getting drunk in the afternoon is that after you get home and hang out for a bit, you're ready for round two. And it's even better if you head back to the same place you were in the afternoon and all the hot waiters were just starting their shift and you were the only people in the whole place. Of course, it's even better when the hot waiter remembers you and notices that you've gotten changed and exchanged drinking companions....

I guess my point is, yesterday was a fun, unexpected summer night. Here's to many more to come. Muzzletoff!

HAPPY DAY!

Yeah Me!

So it looks like I will be a blogger for hire! I am going to be the official fashion blogger on this new site called Beyond Robson. Yeah! I will get press passes and my own profile and business cards and everything! Yeah! I won't get paid in the beginning ( no one will) and I have to get myself a digital camera, but whatever...

I am being a procrastinator. I kicked my roommate out of the house so I could work, but I have not really done much. I talked on the phone, flirted with this random guy that's stalking me on MSN and applied for some freelancing jobs.

I don't want to jinx things too much right now, but, dare I say it.... Things are going pretty good right now. At this second only...

Tomorrow, I am off to Seattle for a big shop... ( before I even get my first cheque, but whatever)

So I will leave you with this quote, I know that's so cliched, but this quote is actually something that relates to my entry, not just random ( even though that's what this site is supposed to be about) :

“I trust that everything happens for a reason,

even when we’re not wise enough to see it.”

– Oprah Winfrey

Tips on dealing with Depression

I feel like I've become somewhat of an expert when it comes to depression. Why, be modest? If they were giving out degrees in depression and self-loathing, I think I'd have at least a doctorate by now. So as a public service announcement to all the socially-awkward depression-phobes out there, I have compiled a list of tips, how-tos, and general pointers for dealing with your favorite freaks living on the edge of sanity. (NO EXCUSES!)

1. When it comes to spilling your guts out, it is less than thrilling when your heart-wretching story is returned with something completely non sequitor or mundane.
ME: "I can't beleive me broke my heart, stole my money, kicked me in the back and ate my potatoe chips!"
YOU: "What a jerk!... I wonder what Britney and Kevin will name their Baby?"

2. Never return a soul-bearing confession with your own.. Save it for another time and place.
ME: "I just stole 3 CDs from him and slashed his tires and gave his cat away."
YOU: "I served my sister meat and told her it was tofu!"

3. Don't be scared of the depression. Embrace it. There's nothing worse than finally gathering the courage to finally spill all your fears and regrets to someone, and then having them turn all nervous and twitchy and and awkward. This makes depression turn to annoyance. And annoyance turns to anger fast. Real fast.
ME: " I had such a bad day..."
YOU: " Yeah. That's too bad........... Okay this is a little to intense for me...... I have to go."

4. When you come across a random teary outburst, don't panic. Wait for cues from said cryer. If she laughs, you laugh. If she doesn't, don't.

5. When someone is crying, don't pat their shoulder or try to give them a half hug. Half hugs make no sense. Wait till she's done crying and then give her a real hug. Pats on the shoulder are no good either. They feel so, like pedophile-ish. Try the steadfast backrub or hair stroking. Both are effectual and not sleazy and don't overshadow the outburst itself.

That's all I can think of right now. So my civic duty is fullfilled for now. I expect to see all the depressed sharing their pity parties in peace from now on...

Wallowing......

Most of the time I don't even think about it... I get by on compliments from random strangers, weird first dates and the occasional daliance with the perpetual unsuitable suitor. But sometimes... when I'm walking by a cute japanese couple and they are wearing coordinated outfits and are so tiny and cute and so obviously in love. I want it. I ache for it. Not to be Japanese. Not to be tiny. ( although those things would be good). Just to be so in love with someone. So coupley.

I don't mean to sound so cliched but love does make the world go round. What do people live for? To meet someone, fall in love and make babies. Or I guess invent someting that will save millions of lives. I'm not much of an inventor, so I assume my purpose in life is the former. I've met people, and I've even fallen in love a few times, but I have yet to take that next step. And sometimes, at my lowest points, I wonder if it will ever happen.. And it sucks. Because I don't want to be THAT GIRL.. You know the one, that's like, all whiny and pathetic and unfullfilled without a guy in her life. It's not that at all. I know I could date someoneif I really wanted to. But to find someone that is good enough to withstand the comparisons to everyone that came before him and is willing to learn all my neurosises and hang ups and stick with me through every little up and down? It's exhausting for me to even think about it.

I often think about the eternal seach for that one great love. Some people spend their whole lives looking for him. But what about those people who met the ONE when they were 16? Or 21? They met, they fell in love, they endured hardships and heart ache and then they broke up... Then they got over it. They met new people and moved on with their lives. But who's to say, if they hadn't stuck it out a little longer, may be tryed to reconnect, or been a bit more mature about things, that things wouldn't have worked themselves out?

What if you met the ONE, your true soul mate and you blew it? Are you supposed to just be like "NEXT!" Or are you supposed to go find the 'one that got away' and see if there is anything still there? And if you do that, who's to say that he hasn't moved on and has totally forgotten about you?

Interviews......

Okay, so I think I've got the resume down pat.... And the dressing up for the interview is a pain but even I have to admit, I do look pretty professional, and nice, and hard-working and like I won't come in late or hung over when I switch to the heels and carry the nice bag with a blazer and everything... So what is wrong with the employers out there? They seem to think hiring someone to work as a minion at their measly company is paramount to admitting someone to the C.I.A. "tell me about yourself." "What appeals to you about this position." "Tell me a about a time you used humour at the workplace." "What is your time committment to this job?"
FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Just read the resume, look at me, and then gimme the job.
This is getting a little ridiculous. Especially when they are like "This position doesn't seem to be in your field, why the change?" Do you really think I would trade in the world of working at cool magazines and writing music reviews and interviewing cool people for the world of answering phones and taking messages for your sorry ass, if I didn't have to? Puh..lease.

Whatever. I don't even care anymore. I just want a job. somewhere. somehow.

short and sweet

i am working at the sea festival and it pretty fun even though I work like 10.5 hours a day ( yikes) quite a shock from my previous routine of heading to the starbucks to write at 1pm !
The best part about the festival is that everyone is like what do you do and I'm like "I'm a freelancer" and everyone's like "Ohhhhh... edgy!" What fun! Tonight my sista is coming into town. It will be so fun. We're going to ikea and kits and everywhere cool and too far to go usually! And then the Alanis concert sat night. Yeah It should be a good weekend. Then I have 2 interviews on Monday..... Keepyour fingers crossed!
Well, I should go... I have to clean the house before I leave for work so my sista doesn't think I live in a stye... (when really only my roommate does:)

Feeling it .. Sometimes......

Sometimes I wonder if he realizes that something so little, something so slight can make me feel so much. It's the best feeling when he remembers something obscure I said in a drunken lapse. It means he cares, means he's interested, means that throughout our long ardurous non-relationship that he still is listening to me, that he's still paying attention to me, that he still wants something from me.
Me who is unwilling to give away too much, not ready to share him with every inside and out, me who spends more time thinking about what coulda, woulda, shoulda been than what actually is.... It feels so good.
Like if I actually was who I am and if I actually made an effort beyond drunken phone calls and impromptu calls when I'm in town, that may be it could actually be something real. It's weird. It's awkward and it's painfully slow.
I don't get butterflies everytime I talk to him. I don't miss him if we haven't talked in a while. And probably for the first time in a long while I don't need anything from him.
He's no Prince. Sometimes I listen to him talk and I feel that all too familiar feeling, like I'm in the smoke pit at high school and am watching for the teachers to come out and suspend us for smoking too close to the parked cars and at the same time am waiting for him to call me out for not really 'inhaling' my cigarrette.
I don't really know if anything will happen. And I'm even too preoccuppied with it.
Except when he says something so cute and considerate and surprising and funny that no one else has ever said to me.
But ya know...
It comes and goes......

Oi Veh! Canada is 137 years young!

Happy Canada Day!
Yah!
I >3 Canada. I love it long time!
I love that we let people smoke pot on the streets, I love that we passed gay marriages, I love that we say aboot and garage and eh, I love that we have the CBC and the Globe and Mail and Purdy's Chocolates and the Tragically Hip and Hot Hot Heat and the Arcade Fire and the Rascalz and every other unassuming fantastic singer/band/rapper/writer/show that is Canadian and most importantly, I love that we are not sending our limited troops to a war no one really wants to be a part of or even understands! yah us!

Even though I dream about growing up in England if my dad hadn't got deported all those years ago and being so eclectic and having such a hawt English accent, (Yes, I still think about it. What can I say I have a lot of time on my hands), I am glad my parents decided to settle in Canada and near the ocean.

Canada Day makes me miss Victoria though. It's the one day of the year where all those beer-drinking jocks with Canada flags tied to their hockey sticks and wearing no shirts and with maple leafs painted on their faces look, somehow more appetizing..... Or it makes me think of camping on saltspring and getting too drunk too camp so we high-tail it for a b& B where we can exerpeince the joys of a mother hang over in peace.

Ah memories......
But I should be off. I need to listen to some Hip, or Bif, or Wide Mouth Mason or whoever is playing for free downtown. Maybe I'll even eat some beef today ( and not just a cheeseburger from McDonalds) and may be even drink some beer. Actually no. Beer is going to far. May be an ale-coloured martini.