Pink Elephants.....

I remember in grade four when Mr. Tomlinson first explained to to a class full of mean-spirited snotty-nosed brats the meaning of pink elephants. One snotty nose brat way conveniently missing from this surprise lecture. Her parents had suddenly separated after her mother had mysteriously turned extra-friendly with her female best friend.

Out little community of fruit roll-ups and rice krispie squares was a buzz with the news. Unheard of words like lesbian and homo were passed down from older brothers and sisters with sicking splendour.

But even those of us who were friends with said girl were afraid. What would she act like now? How should we act? What would happen if we went to her house? The potential for embarrassment and awkwardness was palatable.

Mr. Tomlinson said that pink elephants were our saviors from awkward silences and and missplaced sentiment. Pink elephants, he explained were the gauge to help us show our sympathy without overdoing it, acting awkward or acting like nothing happened.

Here's how pink elephants work. Whenever you feel awkward or aprehensive about talking to someone about something, go up to them and say whatever type of plative you want ( i'm sorry about your mom; too bad she's a lesbian and now you're dad's living in a bachelor suite on View Street, etc) and then when you start seeing a pink elephant (usually by this time you've moved on to "I saw a lesbian on T.V. once and she died; two lesbians can't make a baby; If you're mom's a lesbian, does that mean you are too?") you know it's time to stop and start tal;king about "NORMAL" stuff. ( let's go listen to NKOTB; If you want to play airbands, I'll let you be Madonna).

Pink elephants. The perfect balance between seeming like you don't care and rambling on like an idiot.