A Treatise on Britney Spears

So yesterday was the big Britney Spears Speaks Out interview on Dateline. I know, I know, she’s a little, dare I say loopy. She needs new hair extensions, her shirt was too low-cut and her chunky flip flops were circa 1995. Oh and let’s not forget the big glob of mascara that was on the tip of her eyelashes for the whole 60 minute interview. But I digress, despite all these outward and painfully obvious shortcomings, I still love my Britney.

***For some reason the blogger Add Image button isn't working. Imagine, if you will, a photo of Britney where she is smiling that geeky wide smile she does oh so well.



And not in that I-love-watching-monster-trucks-crash-into-each-other way or I-love-slowing-down-by-car-accidents-to-see-if-I-can-spot-any-blood way either. I love her for her quirky sense of logic. ( “ I Married Jason Alexander because I was missing a sense of home;…..It was a mistake…But I have no regrets.”) I love her for her defiant resolve to not look pretty for the paparazzi. ( “ I still go out in curlers. I go out for walks in my pyjamas. You have to. You can’t let them control how you live.”) I love her for her stubborn, childish explanations of past blunders. (The paparazzi was really impactful….They were surrounding me and my baby…They were shouting things. I had to get my baby out of there. I tripped on the cobblestone street. It happens… I made a mistake… I will make millions more. I am human.) I love her for her weird contradictions. She does an in-depth interview on TV to tell the people that the paparazzi are out of control. Isn’t that a bit like dangling a piece of meat in front of a rapid dog? She says that people are too-obsessed with her relationship with her husband, Kevin Federline. Well, then was it really a good idea to launch a reality show about your courtship, Britney?


****This is where I was going to post that photo of Britney where she's all blubering, and her mascara is running and her face is all red.



Okay, Okay. Maybe now I’m starting to sound like I don’t like Britney. Like I am ragging on her. Well, there seems to be definite room for improvement with this girl. But even if she stayed the way she is I would be happy; as long as she is happy. And you know what? Right now she’s seems very unhappy. Maybe there are easier ways for her to be happy ( IE dump her husband; get a makeover; get back with Justin), but it seems like Britney is in defiant mode and she will not relax until she gets what she wants HER WAY.

It’s doesn’t bother me. Sure I miss the ole Britney. But I also miss the old me that used to be able to party 4 nights a week and survive a semester of 300-level English courses on a diet or ramen noodles and Diet Coke. But times change. People change. I still enjoy hearing about nice Britney things. How she’s like “My Baby is my Religion.” How she wears those funny t-shirts that say I’m with stoopid and the arrow is pointing at some random paparazzo that’s chasing her. How she said that she enjoys getting fat and eating cheetos now that she’s pregnant. How she got Chinese food take-out delivered to the Delivery room when she had her baby Sean Preston. How the new Muse single “Supermassive Black Hole” totally bites on the Britney hit “Do Something."

I like it. Bumps and bruises and all. She’s like a slightly bruised apple. You’re not going to throw away the whole apple, right? No. You just cut around the bruise and use the apple in a salad or apple cobbler. Maybe the apple isn’t eaten in the way you intended, but it’s still good. It still has worth. And bruises heal, right? Well, actually I guess bruised apples don’t heal, but I think you see where I am headed here. I never said metaphors were my forte.

Viva la Britney!