This Rain is a Baptism on my Soul

This is the time of year that always kills me. I don't know if it's the rain, the impeding end of the year or my fast approaching birthday, but November has never been kind to me.
November 2001: I agreed to move to Halifax with Jason when he was decided to join the Navy. ( Only to back out in February when I got accepted to j-school).
November 2002: I conceded to the idea to move back in with my parents after I graduated from j-school.
November 2003: I decided I would quit my job at the Grand Forks Gazette and head back to the coast.
November 2004: I decided to move to Gaytown with Raj.
I'm not saying that all these decisions were bad. But they were all pretty life-changing and filled with angst and self-doubt.

Now it's that time again. And i've been feeling that itch again. The itch to move out on my own; to move to another city; to quit my job; to sell all my possessions and move to India; to cut off all my hair. Do something drastic.
Sometimes I just feel like life is passing me by. Things are changing for everyone else, but for me, for me they always seem to stay the same.
I'm not sure when it happened. But somewhere along my lifepath, I've stopped being who I always wanted to be: fun, independent and successful and turned into this cheeky sidekick. The one to tell all your stories to. The one to bring along to parties because she won't overshadow you. The one to call up in a pinch becaue you don't have a date for Saturday night. The one to call up on those days when everyone else in busy. The one to invite to help you run errands or to water your plants while you're away on vacay.
Lately I've noticed that I don't really like who I am anymore. I find myself doing a lot of things that don't interest me anymore and talking about stuff that's not funny or interesting to me anymore. I don't really know what these realizations really mean except for the fact that I really need to make some major changes in my life.

CURRENT MOOD: Unsatisfied
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Johnny Cash "Best Of"