Drunkedy, drunk drunk drunk .................

There's something to be said for getting drunk at 3:30 in the afternoon on a sunny friday afternoon. I reccommend that everyone try this. Of course, then you are left with that inappropriate buzz at like 5 pm and you have to figure out what to do with yourself so you can still have fun but not generate too much attention to yourself. Luckily for me, there was a lot of things going on yesterday and I happened to run into some people I knew who probably think I'm a weird lush that hangs out with random aquaintances I find on the street, but I digress.

The best thing about getting drunk in the afternoon is that after you get home and hang out for a bit, you're ready for round two. And it's even better if you head back to the same place you were in the afternoon and all the hot waiters were just starting their shift and you were the only people in the whole place. Of course, it's even better when the hot waiter remembers you and notices that you've gotten changed and exchanged drinking companions....

I guess my point is, yesterday was a fun, unexpected summer night. Here's to many more to come. Muzzletoff!

HAPPY DAY!

Yeah Me!

So it looks like I will be a blogger for hire! I am going to be the official fashion blogger on this new site called Beyond Robson. Yeah! I will get press passes and my own profile and business cards and everything! Yeah! I won't get paid in the beginning ( no one will) and I have to get myself a digital camera, but whatever...

I am being a procrastinator. I kicked my roommate out of the house so I could work, but I have not really done much. I talked on the phone, flirted with this random guy that's stalking me on MSN and applied for some freelancing jobs.

I don't want to jinx things too much right now, but, dare I say it.... Things are going pretty good right now. At this second only...

Tomorrow, I am off to Seattle for a big shop... ( before I even get my first cheque, but whatever)

So I will leave you with this quote, I know that's so cliched, but this quote is actually something that relates to my entry, not just random ( even though that's what this site is supposed to be about) :

“I trust that everything happens for a reason,

even when we’re not wise enough to see it.”

– Oprah Winfrey

Tips on dealing with Depression

I feel like I've become somewhat of an expert when it comes to depression. Why, be modest? If they were giving out degrees in depression and self-loathing, I think I'd have at least a doctorate by now. So as a public service announcement to all the socially-awkward depression-phobes out there, I have compiled a list of tips, how-tos, and general pointers for dealing with your favorite freaks living on the edge of sanity. (NO EXCUSES!)

1. When it comes to spilling your guts out, it is less than thrilling when your heart-wretching story is returned with something completely non sequitor or mundane.
ME: "I can't beleive me broke my heart, stole my money, kicked me in the back and ate my potatoe chips!"
YOU: "What a jerk!... I wonder what Britney and Kevin will name their Baby?"

2. Never return a soul-bearing confession with your own.. Save it for another time and place.
ME: "I just stole 3 CDs from him and slashed his tires and gave his cat away."
YOU: "I served my sister meat and told her it was tofu!"

3. Don't be scared of the depression. Embrace it. There's nothing worse than finally gathering the courage to finally spill all your fears and regrets to someone, and then having them turn all nervous and twitchy and and awkward. This makes depression turn to annoyance. And annoyance turns to anger fast. Real fast.
ME: " I had such a bad day..."
YOU: " Yeah. That's too bad........... Okay this is a little to intense for me...... I have to go."

4. When you come across a random teary outburst, don't panic. Wait for cues from said cryer. If she laughs, you laugh. If she doesn't, don't.

5. When someone is crying, don't pat their shoulder or try to give them a half hug. Half hugs make no sense. Wait till she's done crying and then give her a real hug. Pats on the shoulder are no good either. They feel so, like pedophile-ish. Try the steadfast backrub or hair stroking. Both are effectual and not sleazy and don't overshadow the outburst itself.

That's all I can think of right now. So my civic duty is fullfilled for now. I expect to see all the depressed sharing their pity parties in peace from now on...

Wallowing......

Most of the time I don't even think about it... I get by on compliments from random strangers, weird first dates and the occasional daliance with the perpetual unsuitable suitor. But sometimes... when I'm walking by a cute japanese couple and they are wearing coordinated outfits and are so tiny and cute and so obviously in love. I want it. I ache for it. Not to be Japanese. Not to be tiny. ( although those things would be good). Just to be so in love with someone. So coupley.

I don't mean to sound so cliched but love does make the world go round. What do people live for? To meet someone, fall in love and make babies. Or I guess invent someting that will save millions of lives. I'm not much of an inventor, so I assume my purpose in life is the former. I've met people, and I've even fallen in love a few times, but I have yet to take that next step. And sometimes, at my lowest points, I wonder if it will ever happen.. And it sucks. Because I don't want to be THAT GIRL.. You know the one, that's like, all whiny and pathetic and unfullfilled without a guy in her life. It's not that at all. I know I could date someoneif I really wanted to. But to find someone that is good enough to withstand the comparisons to everyone that came before him and is willing to learn all my neurosises and hang ups and stick with me through every little up and down? It's exhausting for me to even think about it.

I often think about the eternal seach for that one great love. Some people spend their whole lives looking for him. But what about those people who met the ONE when they were 16? Or 21? They met, they fell in love, they endured hardships and heart ache and then they broke up... Then they got over it. They met new people and moved on with their lives. But who's to say, if they hadn't stuck it out a little longer, may be tryed to reconnect, or been a bit more mature about things, that things wouldn't have worked themselves out?

What if you met the ONE, your true soul mate and you blew it? Are you supposed to just be like "NEXT!" Or are you supposed to go find the 'one that got away' and see if there is anything still there? And if you do that, who's to say that he hasn't moved on and has totally forgotten about you?

Interviews......

Okay, so I think I've got the resume down pat.... And the dressing up for the interview is a pain but even I have to admit, I do look pretty professional, and nice, and hard-working and like I won't come in late or hung over when I switch to the heels and carry the nice bag with a blazer and everything... So what is wrong with the employers out there? They seem to think hiring someone to work as a minion at their measly company is paramount to admitting someone to the C.I.A. "tell me about yourself." "What appeals to you about this position." "Tell me a about a time you used humour at the workplace." "What is your time committment to this job?"
FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Just read the resume, look at me, and then gimme the job.
This is getting a little ridiculous. Especially when they are like "This position doesn't seem to be in your field, why the change?" Do you really think I would trade in the world of working at cool magazines and writing music reviews and interviewing cool people for the world of answering phones and taking messages for your sorry ass, if I didn't have to? Puh..lease.

Whatever. I don't even care anymore. I just want a job. somewhere. somehow.

short and sweet

i am working at the sea festival and it pretty fun even though I work like 10.5 hours a day ( yikes) quite a shock from my previous routine of heading to the starbucks to write at 1pm !
The best part about the festival is that everyone is like what do you do and I'm like "I'm a freelancer" and everyone's like "Ohhhhh... edgy!" What fun! Tonight my sista is coming into town. It will be so fun. We're going to ikea and kits and everywhere cool and too far to go usually! And then the Alanis concert sat night. Yeah It should be a good weekend. Then I have 2 interviews on Monday..... Keepyour fingers crossed!
Well, I should go... I have to clean the house before I leave for work so my sista doesn't think I live in a stye... (when really only my roommate does:)

Feeling it .. Sometimes......

Sometimes I wonder if he realizes that something so little, something so slight can make me feel so much. It's the best feeling when he remembers something obscure I said in a drunken lapse. It means he cares, means he's interested, means that throughout our long ardurous non-relationship that he still is listening to me, that he's still paying attention to me, that he still wants something from me.
Me who is unwilling to give away too much, not ready to share him with every inside and out, me who spends more time thinking about what coulda, woulda, shoulda been than what actually is.... It feels so good.
Like if I actually was who I am and if I actually made an effort beyond drunken phone calls and impromptu calls when I'm in town, that may be it could actually be something real. It's weird. It's awkward and it's painfully slow.
I don't get butterflies everytime I talk to him. I don't miss him if we haven't talked in a while. And probably for the first time in a long while I don't need anything from him.
He's no Prince. Sometimes I listen to him talk and I feel that all too familiar feeling, like I'm in the smoke pit at high school and am watching for the teachers to come out and suspend us for smoking too close to the parked cars and at the same time am waiting for him to call me out for not really 'inhaling' my cigarrette.
I don't really know if anything will happen. And I'm even too preoccuppied with it.
Except when he says something so cute and considerate and surprising and funny that no one else has ever said to me.
But ya know...
It comes and goes......

Oi Veh! Canada is 137 years young!

Happy Canada Day!
Yah!
I >3 Canada. I love it long time!
I love that we let people smoke pot on the streets, I love that we passed gay marriages, I love that we say aboot and garage and eh, I love that we have the CBC and the Globe and Mail and Purdy's Chocolates and the Tragically Hip and Hot Hot Heat and the Arcade Fire and the Rascalz and every other unassuming fantastic singer/band/rapper/writer/show that is Canadian and most importantly, I love that we are not sending our limited troops to a war no one really wants to be a part of or even understands! yah us!

Even though I dream about growing up in England if my dad hadn't got deported all those years ago and being so eclectic and having such a hawt English accent, (Yes, I still think about it. What can I say I have a lot of time on my hands), I am glad my parents decided to settle in Canada and near the ocean.

Canada Day makes me miss Victoria though. It's the one day of the year where all those beer-drinking jocks with Canada flags tied to their hockey sticks and wearing no shirts and with maple leafs painted on their faces look, somehow more appetizing..... Or it makes me think of camping on saltspring and getting too drunk too camp so we high-tail it for a b& B where we can exerpeince the joys of a mother hang over in peace.

Ah memories......
But I should be off. I need to listen to some Hip, or Bif, or Wide Mouth Mason or whoever is playing for free downtown. Maybe I'll even eat some beef today ( and not just a cheeseburger from McDonalds) and may be even drink some beer. Actually no. Beer is going to far. May be an ale-coloured martini.